Monday, June 30, 2008

Rocky Mountain Hi!

Yup, as my regular readers (all 17 of you) know, I am in the lovely city of Denver for another 24 hours. I'm here for a work conference. In the interests of professionalism I am refraining from naming the conference, as they will be receiving a 3 page (as of today) missive on how they can/should/better improve their conferences. The yesterday I thought it was because I was tired and cranky. Two years ago I thought it was because I was new in the job. Today I know that the program committee can't plan their way out of a saturated paper bag. An old super-saturated paper bag, one that's been litter on the side of the road all through the winter, and has endured traffic, sun, freeze thaw cycles, etc.

But, enough of my diatribe.

Getting to meet Janiece and Anne was FABULOUS!!!

Anne graciously and kindly retrieved me from the airport, we had a tasty lunch, and Janiece dumped me off at the hotel, with luggage and John's transmission!

My earrings from Jeri arrived on Saturday before I left Fairbanks. I will take and share pictures later (I think I packed the camera cable...??), but the best news is that they perfectly match the jacket I packed to wear during my presentation tomorrow. Wo0t!!1!

Had dinner with boss and coworker at India House, off of Blake, in downtown. Yum. Chicken Saag. Yum. Tonight I gave into my need for franchise food and had the Thai Lettuce Wraps at Cheesecake Factory. And brought back to my room a piece of Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake. Breakfast will be good.

Haven't had much time to do anything fun. Meetings all day (until 6 PM). Had dinner. Picked up a tank to wear under my jacket. No Serge, not an M5 or A39, but an article of clothing. If I did have an M5, I suspect I'd be accessorizing it more than it accessorizing me. An M5 would look really cool in the back yard. Um, anyway, I'm rambling. Probably time to review my talk again and hit the showers.

PS - if you guys can let me know when the cat mats get there, that'd be great. I'm always intrigued by how long things take to get via US Mail. Nathan and my dad got their packages in three days. Other folks, apparently five+.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

The best laid plans of mice and men

aft gang agley.

Arrgh. I'm writing from Anchorage International Airport.

What's that you say? I'm supposed to be in Denver RIGHT NOW? Getting ready to meet up with Anne and Janiece before I go to my work conference?

You have some keen powers of observation. My flight last night was canceled/delayed by 6 hours. The plane is full up, and full of fed up people. I'm annoyed, but it's not worth my time to get too cranky over it.

What I'm most annoyed over is that this is cutting into my crucial visiting time with Anne and Janiece. Grrrrrrr.

June has been a really busy month for me. Let's hope that July is nicer. Please.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Since Jim's Doing it...

I think Jim does so well because of his military experience. Elephant guns. They're focusing on elephant guns.

I like how I could likely take out a fellow human (not included on the badge, it is on the results page), but I am obviously a well marbled, good sized tiger snack. That seems accurate to me.

Seekrit Projekt Part 2 complete

I have completed my part of Seekrit Project Part 2. However, the feline overlords have informed me that I did only manage to get half of the job done. They still need addresses for the following oppressors of humanity:

Lord Stanley
Oreo and Buttercup
Kate's Fierce Guard Kitty

I can only plead that I am their puppet in this venture. Take pity on me.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

RIP George Carlin

My NY Times and WaPo news alerts have just announced the death of George Carlin.

I remember the first time I saw George Carlin. It would have been an HBO Special when I was in the 4th Grade. Yes, I probably should not have been watching it. However, I loved IT. Loved it, loved it, loved it. Yes, I was an 8 year old that knew that George Carlin was her favorite comedian.

So, here's one of his bits that I've always liked, from MAD TV

Touched By An Atheist

Mr. Carlin, thanks for making us think, offending us, and keeping us entertained.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Seekrit Project Part 1 complete

The cats tasked me with a project today. I have completed Part 1.

Sooooo...All I can say is - WATCH THE SKIES!!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Our snowbird neighbor has been dropping in to say "Hi"

Sorry I'm such a lousy photographer. We have a sandhill crane that comes by every evening to snack on things in the yard. It trills/chirrups while out there, and John and I go out to be sociable. We chirrup at the crane, the crane chirrups back, and then we go back in the house so we don't harass it.

The cats, if they're out in the yard, are FASCINATED. Silly kitties. They also seem to be rather intimidated, and are leaving it alone.

We think it must have a nest in the swamp across the road, and is enjoying getting voles and green and insects over here on our property. Anyhoo, this is a neighbor we're happy to have in the neighborhood.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Soft, Supple, Glossy, and Pink!

I've been meaning to post this, and my procrastination caused a certain amount of stress for some people (Michelle), for which I am sincerely sorry. The goddesses Procrastinata and Overbookite have me firmly in the ranks of their followers.

So, on May 16th, look what arrived in my PO Box!

I'm a lousy photographer, sorry about the quality.

Aren't they lovely? The Burt's Bees Lip Gloss is a great color, and smells like oranges. I want to eat it every time I use it.

The Alba Lip Balm is a Coconut Flavor. It makes me think of PiƱa Coladas, which makes me think of that darned song. You know the one.

Friday, June 13, 2008

BLITEOTW - Cat Scratch Fever, Part 2

Hell. I'm writing this from the top of the bus, watching my house burn. Yes, the full length school bus in my front yard. I'm a wreck, and this day is nuts. From what I've seen online Spokane, Denver, Seattle, and Brooklyn have been affected by this rise of the undead. I don't even have a cricket bat.

To pick up where I left off... Disturbed beyond all sensible thought by the death of my spouse, I finally went to the living room to see about cleaning up whatever the kitties had killed. Soon I would be saying whatever else the kitties had killed.

The stench was foul and hung in the air. Both cats were crouched over a marmot, ripping and tearing. The russet and gold fur was matted with blood, and most of the head was gone.

I scolded the cats with a "Hey, guys, take that outside,” and went to pick up the corpse by its tail, so I could toss it out on to the porch. And the cats hissed at me. I even got a growl out of the orange one as I moved toward carnage. What the fuck? I'd had these two for 14+ years, and I'd never had this happen. That's when I noticed - both cats look rather beat up, and that nasty smell, it's not coming from the marmot, it's the cats. This just isn't making sense. It's like something out of one of those cheezy movies Cindy always makes me watch. Cheezy movies that may have saved my life.

As I start into a feline directed diatribe, I hear a noise from behind me. Turning around, I see John leaning against the bedroom door. John. John who is dead. JohnWhoIsDeadIsLEANINGAGAINSTHEBEDROOMDOORWHATTHEFUCKAMIHAVINGANIGHTMAREPLEASEWAKEUPI'MREADYTOWETTHEBEDIFTHATWILLMAKEITSTOP!!!

With the clarity of thought that comes when adrenaline floods your system, I realized that however improbable, I had zombies in my house. Zombie John and Zombie Cats. And I didn't want to join them.

The good thing about living in a small house is that things are close. Like the front door. I ran to the front door and went into the entryway. I started shoving and piling things against the door and putting stuff in place to block the cat door. I grabbed my weed burner (the redneck's flamethrower) and the bladed weed-whacker. They were the only things that I had on hand (in the entryway) that might work as weapons.

Moving out the actual front door, I took my chest freezer that's on the porch, and shoved it against the doorframe. It won't keep the door from opening, but it should slow things down.

I could hear noises from inside the house, and part of me hoped that John was eating the brains of the cats, getting the little bastards back for turning him, and keeping him distracted while I figured out what the hell I was going to do.

Hell. John's bigger, stronger, and faster than me. Letting him get close is not a good idea, I'll lose in a physical contest, even if it's handicapped by the fact that he's undead and I have weapons. This means I need to be sneaky. Fire always seems to be a popular way to deal with zombies, though I've always been bothered at the prospect of flaming undead hordes shambling along. Damn. I've joked for years that living in a cabin means you're really living in a pile of firewood, I guess we're about to see if it's true.

The good thing about living on a redneck compound is that I have plenty of petroleum distillates to use as accelerant. I walked around the house with a five gallon jug of two-stroke mix, soaking the bottom log layer and the top of the skirting. I then soaked the skirting with giesel (gas & diesel blended). Trying to be prepared, I took the weed-whacker and the 2.5 gallon jug of two-stroke to the platform on top of the bus. Then, I hooked up my propane bottle from the camping gear inside the bus, lit off my weed burner, and set the house on fire.

3 hours later it's still smoldering. All my ID, keys, and such were inside the house. It's a good thing the spare laptop was left in my car overnight. Unlocked for once. I'm scared to go to the neighbors, and I'm still not sure how this was spread, though I'm blaming the cats. This has to be widespread, as no one has driven by the house all day, and we had no response the fire.

I'm more scared and alone than I have ever been before. I couldn't have been the only local to survive. If anyone reads this, please, let me know you're out there. Please.

BLITEOW - Cat Scratch Fever, Part 1

Waking up to the sound of brains being consumed is something I'm familiar with. Usually it's a vole or snowshoe hare. I always figured the kitties liked things that are crunchy on the outside and gooey on the inside.

What was new this morning was the smell. A faint putrescence wafted across the room. My first thought, that the cats had brought home some carrion, would prove to be wrong. Annoyed that my sleep had been disturbed, I kicked John and said "Your stupid cat is eating something stinky. Could you please go take care of it?"

Mind you, I can handle blood and gore and stink just fine. What I don't handle well is having to get out of bed any earlier than absolutely neceessary.

Then I noticed - John's leg wasn't warm. That just doesn't happen. He's always warm, even at forty below. Forgetting about the cats for a moment, I flipped on my reading light, worried about John.

Holy Mary Mother of Frogs. His hands and chest were covered with scratches, but he didn't seem to be very bloody. I checked his ABCs - airway was good, but no breathing, and no circulation. Oh Shit. Now I'm feeling freaked out that he's dead, and that I've been in bed with a dead body.

Hell. Well, I've dressed myself, and updated from the bedroom (thank you wi-fi!). I think I should check and see what's going on in the living room...

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Geek of the Week - Alton Brown

I find geeks attractive. Ask anyone who's known me for a long time, they'll confirm it.

So, my first geek to fawn all over is . . .

Alton Brown.

Food Network personality, cookbook author, motorcycle enthusiast, humorist, Iron Chef judge, and most importantly - GEEK. Food Geek. Science Geek. Sexy Geek.

Oh, did I type that out loud? Well, apparently I'm not the only one to think of Alton that way.

Because I don't like to embed things (I'm ok with you doing it, don't worry), here's a lovely montage of Alton Brown pics set to I'm Too Sexy

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Rise of the undead!

Sorry, I've been busy working at work and at home. So, since Cindy sent me the following meme and some people (rightly) think I need to update my blog, here's a meme leading us up to next Friday, Blog Like It's The End of the World 2008.

When Zombies Attack

You are in a mall when the zombies attack. You have:
1. one weapon.
Unlimited Ammo? I want a grenade launcher. Take those MoFos out, little gobbets of zombie flesh all over Wilson's Leather and Franklin Covey.

2. one song blasting on the speakers.
Because of Cindy and our conversation this evening and in the past - "Pet Semetary" by The Ramones

3. one famous person to fight alongside you.
Hal Jordan aka Green Lantern. Because he's sexy, powerful, and historically hasn't had a problem with assertive women.

Weapon can be real or fictional, you may assume endless ammo if applicable. Person can be real or fictional.

Cindy snagged from ... following back through its origins is a hoot.