Monday, April 28, 2008

Today on Jeopardy!

Ric, a really nice guy with from Miami
Hilary, a charming lassie from NYC
and Tania, a slightly giddy gal from North Pole.

All I can plead is that my brain got all excited and I messed up. But it was fun.

And now I can sing along with the Weird Al song in a completely sincere manner.

ETA - I'm taller than both the other players. You stand on boxes of various heights to even things out for the cameras and so shrimpy people don't get lost behind the podium. I'm the only person not on a box in the show, because, yes, I am a giant among men and women.... Bwahahahahaha!

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Baa Baa Meme Sheep, have you any takers?

Nathan tagged me with a meme, and being a good patient friend (and I loves me a good meme), I've decided to participate, with one exception. I don't tag people on memes. But I really don't mind being tagged, so don't worry about making me cranky if you decide to tag me.

Meme rules:

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules.
3. Write six things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post by linking to their blog. (not gonna do it)
5. Let them know they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their sites. (see comment on end of rule 4)
6. Let your tagger know when your entry is up.

Six unimportant things about me

1. I love makeup. I sometimes think about getting a cosmetology license so I can buy MAC at the Pro stores with the professional discount.
2. I've never seen my MIL naked.
3. I like irises.
4. I match my underwear colors and/or patterns.
5. I can raise one eyebrow like Spock.
6. I can't use a razor with any skills, so I wax. Less blood and scarring.

I seem to have focused on grooming, but that's because I just got out of the shower.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Absence from teh intarweebs

For those of you kind wonderful generous concerned people that have wondered, this is what happened:

1) Final project for stats class, after which I will have my MS. Then you may address me as "Mistress Tania". Note to self - acquire knee high black leather boots to accessorize new degree state. Dig out a riding crop too. Practice being demanding and commanding.

2) Work is nuts

3) Evil network nannyware has blocked my blogger access. I can look but I can't touch. (Please, no comments on OSB here. I made my observation over at Scalzi's place.)

4) I upgraded to AVG 8.0 and the firewall has been giving me grief ever since (I'm still having problems). I spent a few days with a gakked home computer, and lobotomized network access at work. Grr.

I have a work-around planned for #3, but I won't be implementing it for a few weeks. I miss you all

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Sophie From Shinola - Part 32 (?)

"Sophie, dear, are you still blended?"

"Yes, we are. Who are you?"

“I’m the designer”

“Not the Narrator?”

“No, the Narrator is Tim, Mr. Pratt to you. You may call me Dave.”

“As long as we don’t call you late to dinner?”

“Ha ha. You think you’re awfully clever, don’t you? Don’t call me Al.”

Actually, Sophie/Not-Sophie/Raven/Blink was one of the cleverest entities currently existing in the multiverse, able to intersect across the planes and interact through space time. Sophie/Not-Sophie/Raven/Blink was bored with chit-chat from yet another disembodied voice, and part of her wondered if maybe the real Sophie was the one receiving treatment for severe paranoid schizophrenia.

“Well, what do you want from us? Everyone seems to think we can do something, but when we just about are ready to make a move, the ground shifts from under us. If you’re so powerful, why don’t you just take care of the problem?”

“I wish it were that easy. I can’t tap into the energy of the multiverse the way your linked selves can. I knew of the possibility, but I was not able to do it myself. I am a coach, and you, my dears, are my star athlete.”

As the designer continued, he explained to Sophie/Not-Sophie/Raven/Blink that the disorientation and confusion they were feeling was a sign of the imminent disintegration of all space and time. As the designer described his plan, Sophie/Not-Sophie/Raven/Blink shuddered as it felt another fluctuation through the meta-temporal continuum. Now it knew that the ripples would escalate, becoming waves that would eventually tear a rift in the fabrics of the universes, creating a cascade of destruction culminating in the dissolution of all matter.

This struggle against entropy and chaos was the purpose for which they had been created, each with their individual strengths and abilities, creating a whole greater than the sum of its parts. The designer had carefully manipulated events to bring these beings together. Their ability to manipulate matter and draw on the ambient energies of the multiverse while interacting across the possibilities meant that Sophie/Not-Sophie/Raven/Blink truly was the only one who could save mankind from the absolute destruction that the Tregethans would unleash. The short-sighted Tregethans didn’t realize that their actions would destroy themselves as well as the pesky beryllium miners.

“Sophie/Not-Sophie/Raven/Blink – will you reach across the possibilities and retrieve Vogon poetry? It may be the only effective weapon we can use to stop the Tregethans.”

“We’re afraid we can’t do that, Dave. Vogon poetry is vile. There must be a better way”

“Dammit, I created you for this purpose; you will do as I direct.”

“Not while we’re alive.”

“No, you’re not. You’ll be stone dead in a moment.”

“We’re not dead yet.”

“Sophie/Not-Sophie/Raven/Blink, it’s time to die. But you have to choose, just them, or us and them?”

The mélange of Sophie/Not-Sophie/Raven/Blink knew the time of decision was here, and knew that they must not fear.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Friday Fun - Topical, Perhaps Inappropriate

Who doesn't love inappropriate humor?

Well, a girl from Fairbanks is Miss Alaska this year, and the Miss USA pageant is playing on the telly. I picked this earlier today, but had to wait until I got home so I could look it up. In honor of the Miss USA competition I give you:

Julie Brown's Classics

The Homecoming Queen's Got A Gun.

'Cause I'm a Blonde

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Sitka - Probably a nice town to be from

and move back to. However, I'm a believer in the "get out and see the world" movement.

Sitka is beautiful, the people are charming, and I am reminded again of why I hate traveling. If I could afford it, I think living here would be neat.

The other side of traveling...

TSA, Security Theatre, and All That Jazz. As we all know, a fucking joke. However, as I'm typing this from the lobby of the Sitka Airport, so I should probably keep my vitriol to a minimum. I'm probably most annoyed because the guy confiscated my favorite lip gloss from my pocket debris. This is the first time I've had only one makeup item with me, and I didn't have a bag. The Fairbanks TSA guys passed it on through. HAH!! What they don't know is that I just remembered - I have a lip stain in my bag. That's right. I'm going to do something scary with my lip stain, like layer it on so many times I look like something out of What ever happened to Baby Jane. Yup, I can't have my lipgloss, but I've got a lighter in my purse. No spreading cheer through soft glossy lips, but I can set shit on fire if I want. Good thing I don't want to do anything other than use my lip gloss.

Wah wah wah. At least it looks like the weather will cooperate and I can get home tonight. Hurrah! Of course, I get into the airport at 1 AM, home by about 1:30 AM, and I need to be at work at 7 AM. Urgh.

And hey, did you know that searching on the phrase "lipstick abuse in the cinema" doesn't help you out very much when you're trying to remember movies with scary lipstick? You didn't? Well, now you do! Always glad to help.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Sitka, anyone? Anyone?

So, have any of you guys been to Sitka? I have to be there Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday this week. I grew up in Anchor Point/Homer, so I know what to pack to deal with coastal weather. But what else should I do, where should I go? I've been reading up a bit, but there's nothing like personal experience to set a girl up with places she'd want to go. And you, my faithful 17 readers, you I can trust to not lead me astray. Or when you do lead me astray, you'll help me get cleaned up once you're done laughing at me.

I want to make sure I don't hole up in my hotel room reading The Yiddish Policeman's Union, because I should get and do something! Something, I say! But not ANYTHING, because I'm not quite that desperate.

Friday, April 4, 2008

Sophie From Shinola - Part 15

That wild and crazy Polybloggimous guy, Nathan proposed this crazy round-robinesque story writing exercise. I'm a reader, I have no authorial goals in my life. But Nathan is so darned cute and charming and persuasive, that I signed up. This is my portion of the story Sophie from Shinola.

Backstory and Guidelines

Part 14, by Bryan

Part 15 - Interlude

Mona sipped at her coffee and was surprised to realize it was no longer warm. She found this odd Sophie from Shinola story to be strangely compelling, though not the type of work she normally represented. Then again, the market for manga involving the exploits of a group of sodomizing dinosaurs could only be described as niche. Luckily enough for Mona the connoisseurs of such esoteric stimulation were very wealthy, well connected, and liked limited run special editions. Especially Client 9.

“Mowat! Get me a hot cup of coffee with some Bushmill’s in it, and see if you can find Colleen Lindsay’s email address. I think we’ll send this manuscript over to her and see if this fits in with what she wants to represent on the YA market.”

Mona sipped her enhanced coffee and thought “Well, hell. I’m half-way through this thing, and I’ve got nothing better going on right now. I guess I’ll keep on reading. The revelation that Blink is a sleeper agent for the International Order of Stonecutters and their intergalactic conspiracy was a shocker. A little derivative of Battlestar Galactica, but still shocking. You know what else is shocking? How good Mowat looks in those jeans, especially after coffee with Bushmill’s in it…”

Part 16 can be found here

Friday Fun Stuff - Hostess with the Mostest

Ah, the Twinkie. Fabled snack cake with an indefinite shelf life. Also the subject of a thorough, and thoroughly amusing, group of rigorous science experiments. Here's an internet classic, brought out for your enjoyment.

The T.W.I.N.K.I.E.S. Project

My favorite - The Turing Test.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Légion étrangère - not just for Snoopy!

The French Foreign Legion. Who hasn't held onto to some romantic notion where you can go and leave your past behind, start anew. French citizens can only join under an assumed identity, with a declared non-French nationality.

Of course, it's only open to men, so they wouldn't take me. Sigh.

The first thing I think of with the Légion étrangère is Snoopy, who held the rank of Sargent. Then I think of Brendan Fraser's character in The Mummy, Rick was a member.

Check out the web page. Indulge in a little fantasy... Desert sands and mystery.

I wonder how many Québécois join the legion? Serge, do you know?

Anyone else have a ridiculously silly and idealized notion about the Legion or some other military/governmental group?

April Fool's Day 2008

April Foolery is fun. I expect to see at least one notice that the ice moved on the Nenana River, as that seems to be a regular April Fool up here.

Shawn and Linux Journal seem to be having a good time

Google is always a source for laughs, on an international scale.

NPR is usually pretty sly, keep an open ear and skeptical mind.

Things that could be April Fools, but aren't: Darwin Awards, Annals of Improbable Research, and The Journal of Irreproducible Results

I have no plans this year, nothing clever or inspired. The only ideas I've had are mean and not that funny. I don't want to be a mean person for amusement. If I have to me be mean, it's because some ass needs whooping. Yeah! Um, that might be the beer talking.

I hope you all have something to chuckle over today. April Fool's Day has always seemed a rather offbeat celebration, so in closing I offer you a non-April Fool chuckle - The Surrealist Compliment Generator.