Nathan tagged me with a meme, and being a good patient friend (and I loves me a good meme), I've decided to participate, with one exception. I don't tag people on memes. But I really don't mind being tagged, so don't worry about making me cranky if you decide to tag me.
Meme rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules.
3. Write six things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post by linking to their blog. (not gonna do it)
5. Let them know they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their sites. (see comment on end of rule 4)
6. Let your tagger know when your entry is up.
Six unimportant things about me
1. I love makeup. I sometimes think about getting a cosmetology license so I can buy MAC at the Pro stores with the professional discount.
2. I've never seen my MIL naked.
3. I like irises.
4. I match my underwear colors and/or patterns.
5. I can raise one eyebrow like Spock.
6. I can't use a razor with any skills, so I wax. Less blood and scarring.
I seem to have focused on grooming, but that's because I just got out of the shower.
Showing posts with label for nathan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label for nathan. Show all posts
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Sophie From Shinola - Part 32 (?)
"Sophie, dear, are you still blended?"
"Yes, we are. Who are you?"
“I’m the designer”
“Not the Narrator?”
“No, the Narrator is Tim, Mr. Pratt to you. You may call me Dave.”
“As long as we don’t call you late to dinner?”
“Ha ha. You think you’re awfully clever, don’t you? Don’t call me Al.”
Actually, Sophie/Not-Sophie/Raven/Blink was one of the cleverest entities currently existing in the multiverse, able to intersect across the planes and interact through space time. Sophie/Not-Sophie/Raven/Blink was bored with chit-chat from yet another disembodied voice, and part of her wondered if maybe the real Sophie was the one receiving treatment for severe paranoid schizophrenia.
“Well, what do you want from us? Everyone seems to think we can do something, but when we just about are ready to make a move, the ground shifts from under us. If you’re so powerful, why don’t you just take care of the problem?”
“I wish it were that easy. I can’t tap into the energy of the multiverse the way your linked selves can. I knew of the possibility, but I was not able to do it myself. I am a coach, and you, my dears, are my star athlete.”
As the designer continued, he explained to Sophie/Not-Sophie/Raven/Blink that the disorientation and confusion they were feeling was a sign of the imminent disintegration of all space and time. As the designer described his plan, Sophie/Not-Sophie/Raven/Blink shuddered as it felt another fluctuation through the meta-temporal continuum. Now it knew that the ripples would escalate, becoming waves that would eventually tear a rift in the fabrics of the universes, creating a cascade of destruction culminating in the dissolution of all matter.
This struggle against entropy and chaos was the purpose for which they had been created, each with their individual strengths and abilities, creating a whole greater than the sum of its parts. The designer had carefully manipulated events to bring these beings together. Their ability to manipulate matter and draw on the ambient energies of the multiverse while interacting across the possibilities meant that Sophie/Not-Sophie/Raven/Blink truly was the only one who could save mankind from the absolute destruction that the Tregethans would unleash. The short-sighted Tregethans didn’t realize that their actions would destroy themselves as well as the pesky beryllium miners.
“Sophie/Not-Sophie/Raven/Blink – will you reach across the possibilities and retrieve Vogon poetry? It may be the only effective weapon we can use to stop the Tregethans.”
“We’re afraid we can’t do that, Dave. Vogon poetry is vile. There must be a better way”
“Dammit, I created you for this purpose; you will do as I direct.”
“Not while we’re alive.”
“No, you’re not. You’ll be stone dead in a moment.”
“We’re not dead yet.”
“Sophie/Not-Sophie/Raven/Blink, it’s time to die. But you have to choose, just them, or us and them?”
The mélange of Sophie/Not-Sophie/Raven/Blink knew the time of decision was here, and knew that they must not fear.
"Yes, we are. Who are you?"
“I’m the designer”
“Not the Narrator?”
“No, the Narrator is Tim, Mr. Pratt to you. You may call me Dave.”
“As long as we don’t call you late to dinner?”
“Ha ha. You think you’re awfully clever, don’t you? Don’t call me Al.”
Actually, Sophie/Not-Sophie/Raven/Blink was one of the cleverest entities currently existing in the multiverse, able to intersect across the planes and interact through space time. Sophie/Not-Sophie/Raven/Blink was bored with chit-chat from yet another disembodied voice, and part of her wondered if maybe the real Sophie was the one receiving treatment for severe paranoid schizophrenia.
“Well, what do you want from us? Everyone seems to think we can do something, but when we just about are ready to make a move, the ground shifts from under us. If you’re so powerful, why don’t you just take care of the problem?”
“I wish it were that easy. I can’t tap into the energy of the multiverse the way your linked selves can. I knew of the possibility, but I was not able to do it myself. I am a coach, and you, my dears, are my star athlete.”
As the designer continued, he explained to Sophie/Not-Sophie/Raven/Blink that the disorientation and confusion they were feeling was a sign of the imminent disintegration of all space and time. As the designer described his plan, Sophie/Not-Sophie/Raven/Blink shuddered as it felt another fluctuation through the meta-temporal continuum. Now it knew that the ripples would escalate, becoming waves that would eventually tear a rift in the fabrics of the universes, creating a cascade of destruction culminating in the dissolution of all matter.
This struggle against entropy and chaos was the purpose for which they had been created, each with their individual strengths and abilities, creating a whole greater than the sum of its parts. The designer had carefully manipulated events to bring these beings together. Their ability to manipulate matter and draw on the ambient energies of the multiverse while interacting across the possibilities meant that Sophie/Not-Sophie/Raven/Blink truly was the only one who could save mankind from the absolute destruction that the Tregethans would unleash. The short-sighted Tregethans didn’t realize that their actions would destroy themselves as well as the pesky beryllium miners.
“Sophie/Not-Sophie/Raven/Blink – will you reach across the possibilities and retrieve Vogon poetry? It may be the only effective weapon we can use to stop the Tregethans.”
“We’re afraid we can’t do that, Dave. Vogon poetry is vile. There must be a better way”
“Dammit, I created you for this purpose; you will do as I direct.”
“Not while we’re alive.”
“No, you’re not. You’ll be stone dead in a moment.”
“We’re not dead yet.”
“Sophie/Not-Sophie/Raven/Blink, it’s time to die. But you have to choose, just them, or us and them?”
The mélange of Sophie/Not-Sophie/Raven/Blink knew the time of decision was here, and knew that they must not fear.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Sophie From Shinola - Part 15
That wild and crazy Polybloggimous guy, Nathan proposed this crazy round-robinesque story writing exercise. I'm a reader, I have no authorial goals in my life. But Nathan is so darned cute and charming and persuasive, that I signed up. This is my portion of the story Sophie from Shinola.
Backstory and Guidelines
Part 14, by Bryan
Part 15 - Interlude
Mona sipped at her coffee and was surprised to realize it was no longer warm. She found this odd Sophie from Shinola story to be strangely compelling, though not the type of work she normally represented. Then again, the market for manga involving the exploits of a group of sodomizing dinosaurs could only be described as niche. Luckily enough for Mona the connoisseurs of such esoteric stimulation were very wealthy, well connected, and liked limited run special editions. Especially Client 9.
“Mowat! Get me a hot cup of coffee with some Bushmill’s in it, and see if you can find Colleen Lindsay’s email address. I think we’ll send this manuscript over to her and see if this fits in with what she wants to represent on the YA market.”
Mona sipped her enhanced coffee and thought “Well, hell. I’m half-way through this thing, and I’ve got nothing better going on right now. I guess I’ll keep on reading. The revelation that Blink is a sleeper agent for the International Order of Stonecutters and their intergalactic conspiracy was a shocker. A little derivative of Battlestar Galactica, but still shocking. You know what else is shocking? How good Mowat looks in those jeans, especially after coffee with Bushmill’s in it…”
Part 16 can be found here
Backstory and Guidelines
Part 14, by Bryan
Part 15 - Interlude
Mona sipped at her coffee and was surprised to realize it was no longer warm. She found this odd Sophie from Shinola story to be strangely compelling, though not the type of work she normally represented. Then again, the market for manga involving the exploits of a group of sodomizing dinosaurs could only be described as niche. Luckily enough for Mona the connoisseurs of such esoteric stimulation were very wealthy, well connected, and liked limited run special editions. Especially Client 9.
“Mowat! Get me a hot cup of coffee with some Bushmill’s in it, and see if you can find Colleen Lindsay’s email address. I think we’ll send this manuscript over to her and see if this fits in with what she wants to represent on the YA market.”
Mona sipped her enhanced coffee and thought “Well, hell. I’m half-way through this thing, and I’ve got nothing better going on right now. I guess I’ll keep on reading. The revelation that Blink is a sleeper agent for the International Order of Stonecutters and their intergalactic conspiracy was a shocker. A little derivative of Battlestar Galactica, but still shocking. You know what else is shocking? How good Mowat looks in those jeans, especially after coffee with Bushmill’s in it…”
Part 16 can be found here
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Police Blotter Fun (long)
I love the Unalaska/Dutch Harbor police blotter. Not because I'm laughing at the people who are in it. I love it because it is written with such a droll yet loving tone. Here are my favorite excerpts from August 2007 through January 2008. Enjoy!
********************************************************************************
Disorderly Conduct – Officers responded to a bar fight and discovered a man’s nose had been broken after he was punched in the face by another man. The victim did not want to press charges, but did tell officers he wanted to hunt down and kill the suspect. An officer advised that would not be an appropriate course of action.
Drunk Disturbance – Inebriated caller reported being slapped on the back of the neck by a short fat man. He was unable to provide any additional information.
Disorderly Conduct -- A frantic male caller reported that “a crazy old lady was going nuts and that an officer better come right away before someone gets hurt.” Officers responded to the scene and determined that a tenant and apartment manager had gotten into a dispute over the age and general condition of certain food items in a common-use refrigerator.
Suspicious Person/Activity – A person reported hearing a woman screaming near Church Hole. An officer responded and contacted a lone fisherman, who said he had recently seen and heard a fox yowling.
Suspicious Person/Activity – Caller reported two juveniles chasing an eagle with a knife. Officers found several boys fishing. An eagle had taken one of their carcasses and a boy, knife in hand, walked to where the eagle had flown in order to look at it more closely.
Disorderly Conduct – Caller reported a fight in the lobby of the Grand Aleutian. The victim, who had a bloody nose, said he and his friend got into a fight about something, but he could not remember what. The victim did not want to press charges.
Suspicious Person/Activity — Caller reported a man in black was talking to his roommate, and his roommate was crying. The caller asked that police ensure his roommate was safe. Officers responded and found both the roommate and the man in black in the residence. Both men were safe, did not appear to be in distress, and said they had been listening to sad Spanish songs.
Suspicious Person/Activity — A woman reported that a mumbling, stupid-looking man had been following her and staring at her residence for several days. She also said this man had done the same thing during a previous fishing season, and that she was becoming concerned for her safety. The responding officer immediately recognized the man from the woman’s description, contacted him, and gave him explicit instructions regarding all the things he was not allowed to do to, with or around the complainant.
Animal — Ferocious feline fought with a woman who had caught it, believing it to belong to a neighbor. The feline left multiple punctures and lacerations on the woman’s face. An officer issued the woman a cat trap.
MVA Injury – A woman, thinking she had run over a cat, stopped her vehicle but fell down as she was exiting the vehicle. She had left her vehicle in gear, and the vehicle struck her, causing minor injuries, before subsequently striking a parked vehicle, causing damage to both vehicles. The woman refused medical treatment.
Disorderly Conduct – Caller reported what appeared to be a fight in front of Latitudes. The responding officer determined two men had been wrestling in front of the bar, while several others watched. One man had received a bloody nose, but all of the men confirmed the wrestling had been entirely in jest.
Suspicious Person/Activity – Bar employee told an officer that a patron seemed to be avoiding the officer. Officers identified the man and observed him for several minutes, but ultimately found nothing criminal in his behavior.
DUI – Officer observed a vehicle drifting into the oncoming lane of traffic and nearly hit a curb. The officer stopped the vehicle and contacted the occupants, both of whom had been drinking. The driver was not intoxicated, and the poor driving was the result of fatigue.
Drunk Disturbance – A fisherman reported that a woman boarded his boat and lobbed a 12-pack of beer at him before skulking away. The fisherman told officers he did not know whom the woman was, and did not know what she looked like. Officers were unable to find the beer.
Assault – Complainant reported an unidentified co-worker had allegedly provided him with a marijuana brownie, which he believed had caused strange physiological responses in his body.
Environmental – A taxi spewed several quarts of oil on the Eagle parking lot after a clogged filter burst. The owner and operator of the taxi arranged for cleanup.
MVA Damage – Security officer reported a vehicle window had been broken. Investigation revealed a bottle of soy sauce had slipped from somebody’s grip and had hit the window, breaking it.
Suspicious Person/Activity – Caller requested assistance locating her mother, who was not answering her phone. An officer eventually located the mother, who had decided to sleep in this morning.
Animal – Dead eagle.
Welfare Check – UDPS received a strange phone call from a woman who stated if she called again and did not say anything, that there was a problem. Officers located the woman in a hotel room, along with several other intoxicated people, and determined that there was nothing amiss.
Welfare Check – A man asked officers to check on his grown son and make sure he was not drinking. An officer verified the adult son was sober.
Suspicious Person/Activity – Officers spoke with an intoxicated man who believed some of his luggage had been stolen. Officers accompanied the man to his hotel room, where some of his baggage was found. The man thanked the officers for their help and said it was his own fault his other bags were missing, because he was drunk.
Assistance Rendered – Local resident asked officers to help remove a dipsomaniac from his house.
Trespass – Resident requested that another resident be barred from her property, because of his propensity for leaving refuse on her land. An officer advised the man not to return to the other person’s property.
Animal – Man reported a national emblem shot out of the sky, snatched his hat from his head and in so doing left a three-inch gash on his scalp. The victim refused medical treatment
Theft – A man reported his laptop computer had been stolen. Five people who were within three or four feet of the computer, at the time of the theft, told the investigating officer they had not seen anyone take the computer.
Welfare Check – Several drivers reported local drunk, wearing dark clothing, was standing and walking in the middle of the road, creating a traffic hazard. An officer contacted the man and moved him to a less hazardous area.
Welfare Check – An officer assisted a drunken woman and her drunken companion locate and enter a taxi.
Harassment – Officers responded to Magone Marine after one man allegedly used his finger to poke another man in the forehead, while threatening to chop him up with an axe. During the investigation, officers contacted a man who was found not to be involved in the original altercation, but who was belligerent and abusive to officers and threatened to assault them. Hoi Trinh, 44 yoa, of Anchorage, was arrested on one count of Assault IV. Thomas Bewak, 52 yoa, of Sutton, was arrested on one count of Disorderly Conduct.
Civil – Employer reported a recently terminated employee had stuffed dead fish in his mattress, the heating ducts and into wall panels in his former room. An officer advised the complainant that the matter was civil in nature.
********************************************************************************
Disorderly Conduct – Officers responded to a bar fight and discovered a man’s nose had been broken after he was punched in the face by another man. The victim did not want to press charges, but did tell officers he wanted to hunt down and kill the suspect. An officer advised that would not be an appropriate course of action.
Drunk Disturbance – Inebriated caller reported being slapped on the back of the neck by a short fat man. He was unable to provide any additional information.
Disorderly Conduct -- A frantic male caller reported that “a crazy old lady was going nuts and that an officer better come right away before someone gets hurt.” Officers responded to the scene and determined that a tenant and apartment manager had gotten into a dispute over the age and general condition of certain food items in a common-use refrigerator.
Suspicious Person/Activity – A person reported hearing a woman screaming near Church Hole. An officer responded and contacted a lone fisherman, who said he had recently seen and heard a fox yowling.
Suspicious Person/Activity – Caller reported two juveniles chasing an eagle with a knife. Officers found several boys fishing. An eagle had taken one of their carcasses and a boy, knife in hand, walked to where the eagle had flown in order to look at it more closely.
Disorderly Conduct – Caller reported a fight in the lobby of the Grand Aleutian. The victim, who had a bloody nose, said he and his friend got into a fight about something, but he could not remember what. The victim did not want to press charges.
Suspicious Person/Activity — Caller reported a man in black was talking to his roommate, and his roommate was crying. The caller asked that police ensure his roommate was safe. Officers responded and found both the roommate and the man in black in the residence. Both men were safe, did not appear to be in distress, and said they had been listening to sad Spanish songs.
Suspicious Person/Activity — A woman reported that a mumbling, stupid-looking man had been following her and staring at her residence for several days. She also said this man had done the same thing during a previous fishing season, and that she was becoming concerned for her safety. The responding officer immediately recognized the man from the woman’s description, contacted him, and gave him explicit instructions regarding all the things he was not allowed to do to, with or around the complainant.
Animal — Ferocious feline fought with a woman who had caught it, believing it to belong to a neighbor. The feline left multiple punctures and lacerations on the woman’s face. An officer issued the woman a cat trap.
MVA Injury – A woman, thinking she had run over a cat, stopped her vehicle but fell down as she was exiting the vehicle. She had left her vehicle in gear, and the vehicle struck her, causing minor injuries, before subsequently striking a parked vehicle, causing damage to both vehicles. The woman refused medical treatment.
Disorderly Conduct – Caller reported what appeared to be a fight in front of Latitudes. The responding officer determined two men had been wrestling in front of the bar, while several others watched. One man had received a bloody nose, but all of the men confirmed the wrestling had been entirely in jest.
Suspicious Person/Activity – Bar employee told an officer that a patron seemed to be avoiding the officer. Officers identified the man and observed him for several minutes, but ultimately found nothing criminal in his behavior.
DUI – Officer observed a vehicle drifting into the oncoming lane of traffic and nearly hit a curb. The officer stopped the vehicle and contacted the occupants, both of whom had been drinking. The driver was not intoxicated, and the poor driving was the result of fatigue.
Drunk Disturbance – A fisherman reported that a woman boarded his boat and lobbed a 12-pack of beer at him before skulking away. The fisherman told officers he did not know whom the woman was, and did not know what she looked like. Officers were unable to find the beer.
Assault – Complainant reported an unidentified co-worker had allegedly provided him with a marijuana brownie, which he believed had caused strange physiological responses in his body.
Environmental – A taxi spewed several quarts of oil on the Eagle parking lot after a clogged filter burst. The owner and operator of the taxi arranged for cleanup.
MVA Damage – Security officer reported a vehicle window had been broken. Investigation revealed a bottle of soy sauce had slipped from somebody’s grip and had hit the window, breaking it.
Suspicious Person/Activity – Caller requested assistance locating her mother, who was not answering her phone. An officer eventually located the mother, who had decided to sleep in this morning.
Animal – Dead eagle.
Welfare Check – UDPS received a strange phone call from a woman who stated if she called again and did not say anything, that there was a problem. Officers located the woman in a hotel room, along with several other intoxicated people, and determined that there was nothing amiss.
Welfare Check – A man asked officers to check on his grown son and make sure he was not drinking. An officer verified the adult son was sober.
Suspicious Person/Activity – Officers spoke with an intoxicated man who believed some of his luggage had been stolen. Officers accompanied the man to his hotel room, where some of his baggage was found. The man thanked the officers for their help and said it was his own fault his other bags were missing, because he was drunk.
Assistance Rendered – Local resident asked officers to help remove a dipsomaniac from his house.
Trespass – Resident requested that another resident be barred from her property, because of his propensity for leaving refuse on her land. An officer advised the man not to return to the other person’s property.
Animal – Man reported a national emblem shot out of the sky, snatched his hat from his head and in so doing left a three-inch gash on his scalp. The victim refused medical treatment
Theft – A man reported his laptop computer had been stolen. Five people who were within three or four feet of the computer, at the time of the theft, told the investigating officer they had not seen anyone take the computer.
Welfare Check – Several drivers reported local drunk, wearing dark clothing, was standing and walking in the middle of the road, creating a traffic hazard. An officer contacted the man and moved him to a less hazardous area.
Welfare Check – An officer assisted a drunken woman and her drunken companion locate and enter a taxi.
Harassment – Officers responded to Magone Marine after one man allegedly used his finger to poke another man in the forehead, while threatening to chop him up with an axe. During the investigation, officers contacted a man who was found not to be involved in the original altercation, but who was belligerent and abusive to officers and threatened to assault them. Hoi Trinh, 44 yoa, of Anchorage, was arrested on one count of Assault IV. Thomas Bewak, 52 yoa, of Sutton, was arrested on one count of Disorderly Conduct.
Civil – Employer reported a recently terminated employee had stuffed dead fish in his mattress, the heating ducts and into wall panels in his former room. An officer advised the complainant that the matter was civil in nature.
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