Thursday, July 10, 2008

TMI Time (be warned)

I schedule my annual physical also known as my LOF/Inspect around my birthday, as that makes it easier to remember. Being of the female version of human, I get to have my parts checked out thoroughly. Honestly, the exam doesn't bother me. I figure after a provider's first dozen or so, as long as a patient has standard equipment and nothing too pierced or prolapsed, the clinician doesn't really care or think too much about your down there. Physical time always reminds me that either a) I should be going to yoga again or b) I sure am glad I've been going to yoga lately. I also get the complete checkup of everything else, updated family history, vaccinations, any foreign travel, am I getting eyes, teeth, etc. all checked out, any new allergies or sensitivities I've noticed, all the usual. Last year I got a baseline mammogram. This year, I have orders to get scoped up top and MAYBE down below. Versed here I come!

So. Looks like Tania is ok for another year. Weight is something we're both ok with, labs are good, BP is in my usual range (106/62). I got the low blood pressure safety lecture. I get it every visit. And yes, if I don't sit for a bit when getting up from bed, I pass out and/or slam into the wall or the door. I've been know to try and catch myself and take out a bookcase. Fun!

But, what I'm TMI sharing with you is my interactions with my doc. I like my doc. He's been my doc for almost 20 years, since he went into private practice. He calls me on my bullshit, understands my irrationalities on some topics, and has a great sense of humor. Oh, and he reads SF/F. We trade books. Even better, the nurses at work think he's one of the better docs in town.

During the History & Physical update:
How many sexual partners do you regularly have?
One, unless I'm suffering blackouts and having sex with multiple partners. I don't think I'm suffering blackouts.
Ok. So as far as you know, your only "john" is John? (sounds of nurse sputtering in the background)
So, this means you are having sex.
Any pain when having sex?
Only when I ask for it. (sounds of nurse sputtering in the background)
That's good to know. Sounds like you have a healthy relationship, let me know if things change.

Anything particularly troubling you today?
Hmmm. Ummm. Well, I called my Aunt to wish her a Happy Birthday, and got to talk to my Grandmother which was great, but she made me talk to my mom. I don't like talking to my mom.
You're kidding me. You're 36 years old and you still have mother-daughter issues?
Yes. And believe me, I'm the grown-up in this situation.

What happened to your biceps? You used to have biceps. I see you at the gym. Develop some upper body strength.
Watch it buddy, or I will stomp you with my overdeveloped legs.

I try to have a good joke each year, just because. I've had the last line of the following floating around in my head for years, but it wasn't until this week I finally worked up a story in which to insert it. So, here's my 2008 annual physical joke.

After a long day on the job, a stomach and a gall bladder walk into a bar to unwind. While there, they meet Fred, a womb. As they chat through the evening, the three become friends. As the evening winds down, Joe (the stomach) says "Fred, it's been really great to meet you, and I'm sure we must have some contacts in common. Bob (the gall bladder) here is married to my sister Debbie (a liver), who has a really mean brother Brian (a spleen). Now that I've told you about some of our connections, I'd like to know - what are uterus?"


Anonymous said...

Tania is ok for another year

A big YAY!

A big hiss for the pun.

(Did I ever tell you of the time my wife and I met my dentist at the grocery store, not long after she had started working on my crown? We had just gone thru the drill-a-hole-in-the-jaw-and-put-a-screw-in-it stage. Anyway, I introduced my wife to my dentist and either the latter or I said something about... ah... screwing.)

Nathan said...

Glad all your parts are in the right place.

And the joke? Gahhhhhhh! (I'm sure it's a little better with verbal delivery.)

Jeri said...

I saw a video clip of a Christian comedian - and you know I'm not of that particular persuasion but this was pretty hilarious.

She asks, onstage, how many women have ever told their gynecologist about Jesus?

First there is shocked silence, then nervous laughter. Then she goes on to riff on the subject, describing what it might be like to try to evangelize with your feet in the stirrups.

It's pretty hilarious.

Tania, I think you could pull it off - shoot, you could sell Amway! - if you were so inclined. ;)

Random Michelle K said...

Tania, glad you got the all clear!

The one thing I really liked about my previous GYN is they called you to remind you about your appointment. That was awesome.

Jim Wright said...

If I was your medical technician, I'd give the mammogram vise an extra crank just for that joke.

MWT said...

Yay continued good health! :)

All of my docs call me the day before my appointments. I suspect it's required by contract with my insurance company or something.