Police Blotter Fun (long)

I love the Unalaska/Dutch Harbor police blotter. Not because I'm laughing at the people who are in it. I love it because it is written with such a droll yet loving tone. Here are my favorite excerpts from August 2007 through January 2008. Enjoy!
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Disorderly Conduct – Officers responded to a bar fight and discovered a man’s nose had been broken after he was punched in the face by another man. The victim did not want to press charges, but did tell officers he wanted to hunt down and kill the suspect. An officer advised that would not be an appropriate course of action.

Drunk Disturbance – Inebriated caller reported being slapped on the back of the neck by a short fat man. He was unable to provide any additional information.

Disorderly Conduct -- A frantic male caller reported that “a crazy old lady was going nuts and that an officer better come right away before someone gets hurt.” Officers responded to the scene and determined that a tenant and apartment manager had gotten into a dispute over the age and general condition of certain food items in a common-use refrigerator.

Suspicious Person/Activity – A person reported hearing a woman screaming near Church Hole. An officer responded and contacted a lone fisherman, who said he had recently seen and heard a fox yowling.

Suspicious Person/Activity – Caller reported two juveniles chasing an eagle with a knife. Officers found several boys fishing. An eagle had taken one of their carcasses and a boy, knife in hand, walked to where the eagle had flown in order to look at it more closely.

Disorderly Conduct – Caller reported a fight in the lobby of the Grand Aleutian. The victim, who had a bloody nose, said he and his friend got into a fight about something, but he could not remember what. The victim did not want to press charges.

Suspicious Person/Activity — Caller reported a man in black was talking to his roommate, and his roommate was crying. The caller asked that police ensure his roommate was safe. Officers responded and found both the roommate and the man in black in the residence. Both men were safe, did not appear to be in distress, and said they had been listening to sad Spanish songs.

Suspicious Person/Activity — A woman reported that a mumbling, stupid-looking man had been following her and staring at her residence for several days. She also said this man had done the same thing during a previous fishing season, and that she was becoming concerned for her safety. The responding officer immediately recognized the man from the woman’s description, contacted him, and gave him explicit instructions regarding all the things he was not allowed to do to, with or around the complainant.

Animal — Ferocious feline fought with a woman who had caught it, believing it to belong to a neighbor. The feline left multiple punctures and lacerations on the woman’s face. An officer issued the woman a cat trap.

MVA Injury – A woman, thinking she had run over a cat, stopped her vehicle but fell down as she was exiting the vehicle. She had left her vehicle in gear, and the vehicle struck her, causing minor injuries, before subsequently striking a parked vehicle, causing damage to both vehicles. The woman refused medical treatment.

Disorderly Conduct – Caller reported what appeared to be a fight in front of Latitudes. The responding officer determined two men had been wrestling in front of the bar, while several others watched. One man had received a bloody nose, but all of the men confirmed the wrestling had been entirely in jest.

Suspicious Person/Activity – Bar employee told an officer that a patron seemed to be avoiding the officer. Officers identified the man and observed him for several minutes, but ultimately found nothing criminal in his behavior.

DUI – Officer observed a vehicle drifting into the oncoming lane of traffic and nearly hit a curb. The officer stopped the vehicle and contacted the occupants, both of whom had been drinking. The driver was not intoxicated, and the poor driving was the result of fatigue.

Drunk Disturbance – A fisherman reported that a woman boarded his boat and lobbed a 12-pack of beer at him before skulking away. The fisherman told officers he did not know whom the woman was, and did not know what she looked like. Officers were unable to find the beer.

Assault – Complainant reported an unidentified co-worker had allegedly provided him with a marijuana brownie, which he believed had caused strange physiological responses in his body.

Environmental – A taxi spewed several quarts of oil on the Eagle parking lot after a clogged filter burst. The owner and operator of the taxi arranged for cleanup.

MVA Damage – Security officer reported a vehicle window had been broken. Investigation revealed a bottle of soy sauce had slipped from somebody’s grip and had hit the window, breaking it.

Suspicious Person/Activity – Caller requested assistance locating her mother, who was not answering her phone. An officer eventually located the mother, who had decided to sleep in this morning.

Animal – Dead eagle.

Welfare Check – UDPS received a strange phone call from a woman who stated if she called again and did not say anything, that there was a problem. Officers located the woman in a hotel room, along with several other intoxicated people, and determined that there was nothing amiss.

Welfare Check – A man asked officers to check on his grown son and make sure he was not drinking. An officer verified the adult son was sober.

Suspicious Person/Activity – Officers spoke with an intoxicated man who believed some of his luggage had been stolen. Officers accompanied the man to his hotel room, where some of his baggage was found. The man thanked the officers for their help and said it was his own fault his other bags were missing, because he was drunk.

Assistance Rendered – Local resident asked officers to help remove a dipsomaniac from his house.

Trespass – Resident requested that another resident be barred from her property, because of his propensity for leaving refuse on her land. An officer advised the man not to return to the other person’s property.

Animal – Man reported a national emblem shot out of the sky, snatched his hat from his head and in so doing left a three-inch gash on his scalp. The victim refused medical treatment

Theft – A man reported his laptop computer had been stolen. Five people who were within three or four feet of the computer, at the time of the theft, told the investigating officer they had not seen anyone take the computer.

Welfare Check – Several drivers reported local drunk, wearing dark clothing, was standing and walking in the middle of the road, creating a traffic hazard. An officer contacted the man and moved him to a less hazardous area.

Welfare Check – An officer assisted a drunken woman and her drunken companion locate and enter a taxi.

Harassment – Officers responded to Magone Marine after one man allegedly used his finger to poke another man in the forehead, while threatening to chop him up with an axe. During the investigation, officers contacted a man who was found not to be involved in the original altercation, but who was belligerent and abusive to officers and threatened to assault them. Hoi Trinh, 44 yoa, of Anchorage, was arrested on one count of Assault IV. Thomas Bewak, 52 yoa, of Sutton, was arrested on one count of Disorderly Conduct.

Civil – Employer reported a recently terminated employee had stuffed dead fish in his mattress, the heating ducts and into wall panels in his former room. An officer advised the complainant that the matter was civil in nature.